5 Reasons Mothering Is The Most Important Job In The World.

As a psychiatrist I see the multiplicity of problems that arise in early infanthood and play out in adulthood.  So on Mother’s Day, what better way to remind mothers that their job, often a more ambigous and hidden wonder, is in fact (and I am merging together a lot of research here) the most inportant job for society and the world at large.  If you find yourself with the ability to love, control your emotions, form friendship- you can thank your mother.   It saddens me that more is not written about the mothering of famous people.   For example, in looking into the Dali Lama’s mother I could find “His Holiness recalls his mother as undoubtedly one of the kindest people he has ever known” but not a discription of this by examples.  The same is true for Jesus, little is known about what kind of parent she was, but we can speculate from scripture that she was humble, spiritual, kind, dedicated and thankful.  In taking an adult attachment interview, I may ask can you give me several adjectives to describe your mother when you were young.  Then I ask for specific examples.  These specific examples are very helpful, much more so then adjectives like “kind” or “warm”.  

1.  Connection patterns are layed down in the first years of life that live on in adolecents and adulthood.  It is well known that children’s attachment style (anxious, avoidant, disorganized or secure) which is identified as early as 9 months, influences the way the child will interact with people in adulthood.  Being present, paying attention to your babies cues, feeding and comforting the baby when needed, and embracing motherhood leads to a securely attached child.  This attachment with the mother, will influence every relationship that comes after.

2.  Your mothering will be internalized into your child.  A mother becomes internalized as a sense of love and confort in your child.  Every time you held and nursed your child, helped your child when they were scard or hurt– you became a calming source of love that eventually gets internalized.   

3.  Emotional regulation is caught from mothering.  By providing a stable attachment and an internalized calming figure, your child learns how to regulate strong emotions.  Anger will thus not get out of control as easily and destroy, and fear will not keep your child from exploring the world and developing new things and ideas.  

4.  Your ability to empathize with another’s suffering was fostered by your mother.   Babies have a natural ability to have emotional resonance (to feel the emotions of those around them).  As you comfort your child in there distress, they learn what to do with that ability to emotionally resonate – they learn to use it to help the other person who is in distress.  Much of natural morality is born out of this ability to empathize with the suffering of others.  For example, Mother Teresa’s mother was noted to raise her with the “utmost love, care and affection”, was “pious and compassionate” and was very close to her even into her adulthood.  

5.  Curiosity is born out of mothering.  When a child feels safe in connection and attachment, the child feels free to explore the world.  Curiosity and exploration have led to the many innovations of the modern world- all things we can thank our mothers for.   There would be no Einstein without his mother, Pauline Einstein, who was a well educated, quiet woman, enjoyed arts, taught her son piano and violin from a young age.  Steve Job’s mother was a stay at home mom, and per their neighbor they moved to Palo Alto because there were better schools and his father encouraged his endevors, for example building a work bench for him. 

So consider mothering to be of upmost importance, life-transforming and world changing!  

 

0 replies

Leave a Reply

Want to join the discussion?
Feel free to contribute!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *